Carmelo Anthony IS Sansa Stark

President Trump, if you’re reading this, THIS IS NOT FAKE NEWS! Hear me out.

Carmelo Kyam Anthony entered the league as the third overall pick in the draft. The 3rd eldest child of the Stark family, if you will. Carmelo, like Sansa, began his career by taking a backseat to some more interesting characters — i.e Lebron, D-Wade, Kobe —  but who didn’t?? He was solid, not the best player in the league, BUT he had potential! All he needed was a good partner, someone who could compliment his talents, and the world would be his.

In comes Joffrey Lannister (Allen Iverson), who boasted with confidence that he would take him to the top. The world was theirs, if only for a moment. But Joffrey, well, you know how that boy was. He ruined any hope Anthony had of blossoming in Denver. They were such a good NBA 2k team. Sometimes that’s just not enough, and, alas, it was not meant to be.

AI and Melo

The early days of Sansa and Joffrey

In a bloody wake, the honorable Ned Stark (Coach Karl) was killed as Joffrey painfully drained all hope of taking the crown. If Coach Stark were still alive, he would assuredly write a scathing memoir of what an attention whore and terrible defender Sansa was, too. 




Joffrey hit bankruptcy court and Anthony split for new horizons. In the distance, Rob Stark (Derek Rose and the Chicago Bulls), carefully plotted to rescue their sister and take the kingdom…

New York was next. Anthony now had a powerful ally in Amar’e Stoudemire (Tyrion Lannister), whom he could trust to protect him and share his burden. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned. Injuries to Tyrion and an unexpected rival suitor (Margaery Tyrell / Jeremy Lin), left Anthony exposed and shook him to his bones. He barely survived the onslaught, as Linsanity threatened all he had built in the capital.

Linsanity and Melo

In the Game of Thrones, you either win, or you play for the Knicks.

Anarchy ensued. The capital (New York) was attacked and nearly destroyed by an ESPN barrage. Anthony had one chance. Leave with The Hound (Tom Thibodeau), get to Rob Stark and ascend to your destiny. Walk away from the money. Grow a pair and stand up to La La.

But nay. Fortune favors the bold, and bold, he was not. Money, fame, and a controlling wife all conspired to keep Melo from leaving the capital behind.

Sansa last seeing hound


Little Finger (James Dolan) had worked for many years to build trust with Anthony. The relationship was always on shaky ground, as there was always something a little off with the guy. Finally, Anthony pledged his loyalty and lay at the mercy of Little Finger. In a fateful hour, he was talked into an unholy marriage between himself and the sociopath that was, Ramsey Snow (Phil Jackson). The trap was set, Anthony took the bait.


Said Phil Jackson to James Dolan

Months, maybe years, passed as Ramsey tortured Anthony. Shots in the media, trade rumors, violent rapes, and more. A tall blonde lady with talent named Brienne of Tarth (Kristaps Porzingas), looked on in horror as she could do nothing.

Brienne of Tarth

You must let Carmelo know he still has friends in the North

Finally, in the wake of poor decision after poor decision, Carmelo Stark may have a chance at redemption. James Dolan double-crossed his word to let Phil Jackson play out his contract, giving Carmelo his “feed Ramsey to the dogs” moment. Jon Snow (also played by Derek Rose) came back from the dead last season and averaged 18 PPG last season, albeit not in the most impressive fashion.

Now, how will Sansa’s journey continue from here? Will she finally ascend to greatness, forming the epic partnership with Little Finger that was hinted from the start? Or was it all just a big ruse, designed to lure us in and crush her once more? Sansa has been the show’s favorite character to tragically torture whenever optimism appears. Nothing may be able to save them from their true destiny as tragic figures. Perhaps the Seven Gods and the Lord of light together can’t help Carmelo and Sansa.

Sansa last one

Melo RN

Duuuuuuuun dun dun run a nun nunnnn nunnn dun nuuuu nuuuu